israelinsider: Arafat's battered wives

Alan Perlman, a resident of the community of Carmel in the Hebron Hills region, is a technical writer. Perlman has a master's degree in social work. He can be reached at ahperlman@yahoo.com.

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Arafat's battered wives
By Alan Perlman August 13, 2001

Oslo is dead, another victim of Arafat's unrelenting terrorism. And most of the Left has shifted to the Center or Right. One might have hoped that Peres, Beilin, Sarid, & Company would finally realize that the linchpin of Oslo, Arafat's renunciation of violence, was merely a seductive Siren song. But, alas, the high priests on the Left never seem to get it. And that's because their problem is not one of awareness or understanding. The problem, unfortunately, is far more pathological than that.

Simply put, they have become Yasser Arafat's battered wives.

According to a recent newspaper article, a battered wife is, on average, battered about 35 times before she leaves her husband for good. Logic may dictate that a woman leave long before that, but personality disorder, not logic, is the determining factor.

Mired in their own insecurity, battered wives blame themselves for the battering - they did not give enough or try hard enough. They left the dishes in the sink. They overcooked dinner. Never mind that no one, including a husband, has the right to beat them no matter how many dishes are stacked up, or for that matter for any reason. They are nevertheless determined to try harder. They will give even more.

And so Arafat's battered wives on the Israeli Left not only accept the murder of Jews by Palestinians as a natural state of affairs, they blame Israel for the murders. It's Israel's fault because Israel just didn't offer enough at Camp David; Israel must return to the negotiating table where it can offer even more. It's Israel's fault because when Israel targets those who plan and implement the murders, they offend Palestinian sensitivities. It's Israel's fault because Israel insists on implementation of the first phase of the Mitchell plan, an end to violence, before going on to the next phase.

Battered wives leave their husbands and then return, in a pattern repeated many times before they leave them for good. And each time they return, they beg for the battering husband to forgive them. One recalls Yossi Sarid's breakup with Arafat during the Gulf war followed almost immediately by his return to the nest. More recently, Sarid called Rajoub, Arafat's deputy murderer, to apologize when Israeli soldiers returned fire toward Rajoub's house. If only Sarid could empathize with the two bludgeoned teenage boys, or the 20 bomb victims at the disco, or 15 bomb victims at the pizza shop, the way he empathizes with poor, oppressed Rajoub. But he simply cannot. Empathy goes to the batterer, not to the victim.

A major reason that battered wives have so hard a time making a final break is that leaving crumbles the foundation of their world. If they leave, where will they go? What will they do? The uncertainty and upheaval of leaving exceed the suffering endured from the beatings. At home, they may be beaten, but at least they have a roof over their heads and a known situation. Likewise, a battered politician may find the overturning of his or her belief system too much to bear. Better a crumbling, untenable ideology linked to the monster that is your (peace) partner than a separation that requires that you rethink and rebuild your worldview and your life.

The Left's battered wives and their followers just cannot abandon the hope that their abusive partner will change and everything will be all right. After all, following each Peres-Arafat meeting, doesn't always Peres bring home the good news that Arafat is even more committed than ever to stop the beatings. Surely this time Arafat must mean it! Doesn't he, and our marriage, deserve one more chance?